parting words?
and it's all over. the exams, the commitments and the resulting stress and anxieties. but as one door closes another opens(not in a very good sense, considering where i'm going next)
and here i lie in limbo, out of one door and not yet into in the other. it's supposed to be a premature taste of heaven. the crazy days and the wild nights. i can't say i'm not having tons of fun. but there's something amiss. and i've narrowed down the possibilities.
the major problem is that there's nothing left for me to look forward to, unless i count A level results, for which i have about the same confidence in as a cockroach against my mom - none. so as the days wither away i don't see a life of gargantuan opportunity and fufillment but rather an impending diffusion into the ordinary. the soldier's life isn't exactly one open to creativity and expression. will i change as a person after it's all over? i cannot imagine this will be for the better.
at least when the day comes, i will know i wasn't deprived of the endeavours i sought during my youth.
right now i'll expect the worst and hope for the best. nothing distracts me more from the dire scenario more than my friends, and in particular, rachel who has showered me in affection i do not think i am worthy of. i love my girlfriend!